Tam and Vince at a L’Arche celebration.

Vince grew up with a reading disability and “coming to a place where other people have a disability” made him feel “an underlying connection with core members” which was helpful to him. L’Arche helped show him the value of being different with varying gifts and that all people are welcome “regardless of their color and their disability.” Tam explained how L’Arche helped her recognize the beauty of supporting each other and learn “that we all have something to offer, and we also all really need each other.” While society tends to value independence, Tam found the value of being in a relationship with one another and leaning on others as a member of a community.

They also learned more about disability rights. Tam noticed the effects of buildings without elevators or ramps on those who are physically unable to take the stairs, and she realized how alienating and exclusionary this is. Specifically, the church Vince and Tam attended did not have an elevator, and this made it difficult to bring their friend Hazel to service with them. (Since then, however, this church has not only installed an elevator, but L’Arche has also had its Christmas party in the basement as a result.)

The mention of Hazel brought up their relationship with her. Vince explained that even at first, Hazel was a comfort to him as an African American man entering a new space. Vince also talked about the beauty of learning Hazel’s language by sharing time, describing his relationship with her as “very fruitful and very, very beautiful,” and he discussed the ways in which Hazel has supported his art and how grateful he is that Hazel adamantly maintains a relationship with them even today. “I also gotta give credit to Hazel because she has a disability, she’s a woman, and she’s a Black woman,” he said. “And those three things, you know, are very difficult still to this day. So I think she has a lot of power.”

Tam appreciated the practices of L’Arche spirituality, such as prayer at the end of dinner during which Fritz shares all the people he is holding in his heart and the participation of core members during the service in which she was ordained. “I grew up in a community where it was like, there are very right ways of being in connection to God and very wrong ways. And I feel like L’Arche allows you to approach God as yourself. And that’s really significant,” she explained.

L’Arche taught Vince that “I can just act [like] myself. Instead of faking, in a way, or being scared or hesitant, I can just be myself. So, that taught me, you know, to be more comfortable around, people and also people with disabilities.” Tam said that L’Arche, and more specifically, Francene, taught her how to set boundaries. Francene was good at “knowing ‘okay, I need to go and sit in the prayer room or I need to go on a walk,’ and saying, like, ‘Will you go on a walk with me?’” Tam also touched on learning how to have meaningful relationships without words: “just sitting and being is actually really significant and important.”

When asked to choose a favorite memory, they both could not pick just one. However, Tam finally decided on the time she rode on a train with Walton for an hour to a restaurant. Walton was excitedly purring and greeting everyone who passed, and a group of young girls walked by giving weird looks to him. Walton shook their hands and by the end of the exchange, they were laughing and even speaking Spanish with him. Later that day, Walton had the opportunity to speak to a mail carrier in Spanish about how much he loves mail, and Tam found that simple day to be full of so many little glimmers of happiness. For Vince, his fondest memories were when Fritz would pay someone a compliment and the times when they would work out together. He enjoyed his high energy and supporting Fritz in seeing his mom and getting to see their relationship.